just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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