She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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