I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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