I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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