i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
