Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
