oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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