I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
