Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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