Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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