the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
