One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
