Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
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How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
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I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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