Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
