once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
