Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
