Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
