He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
