Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
