At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
