i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Nicole vs. Life
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
