Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
