wake up i wanna do it froggy style
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
