What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
