Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
