just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
