dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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