Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
