he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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