Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
