But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
ttyl tear gas
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
