not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
