You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
