Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
