i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
