You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
should my penis look like a turkey
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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