I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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