Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
