I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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