dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
COCAINE IS GR8
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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