so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
