i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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