Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
