I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
