i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
