I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
