I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
