it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
