cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
