He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
two words...techno handjob
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
