i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
