You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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