So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
