So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
