i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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