then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
