I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
its not stalking. its research.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
