There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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